Social network and loneliness

Social network

Our social network consists of the people meaningful to us. Our friends, acquaintances, partner, family, relatives, peers from studies, and colleagues are all part of the social network. Others in it might include neighbours, teachers, people from sports clubs, or people working in our local supermarket. Social networks are unique and change with age.

The people in your social network might change places during the years. A close friend might turn into an acquaintance, a colleague might become closer than your own relatives. It’s natural that a part of our social network lasts through life as some fade away.

It’s important that your social network is suitable for your needs. You don’t necessarily need a wide social network with dozens of people. More important than numbers, is that your needs are met. These things are also individual: some are ok with a few close contacts and others find it vital to have many various human relationships, some close, some more casual. There’s no right way when it comes to social network.

Different human relationships provide different things. Not all meaningful relationships are deep and close, and even the more casual relationships can be good for us. Different relationships cater to different needs: some relationships help us share our deepest thoughts, some are for having a good time or enjoying a hobby. The important thing is to get support when needed.

Please note, that sometimes the problem with your social network is that you have more contacts than you need. This is when the relationships might become straining and stressful. Stop and think how to lessen or lighten them so you’ll get more time to rest and recover.

• Learn to say no, if you’re asked to participate in something you don’t feel like doing.
• If you spend a lot of time online, cut it back.
• honest and open about your needs.

For your social network to support your wellbeing, it needs to bring you joy and energy. Your relationships should give you more than they take. Sometimes even close relationships can be draining and too much for you. Think about your situation: do your human relationships charge or drain your batteries?

Many people feel lonely

Many people feel lonely. The feeling of loneliness is personal and doesn’t always show. Loneliness is the lack of close relationships or the feeling of not being seen or heard. You can also feel lonely in a relationship, in a big family, or as a part of a group. The feeling of not having enough human relationships or not belonging to a community might cause loneliness.

It’s good to keep in mind that loneliness is not the same thing as being alone. Alone time is something everyone needs, some more, some less. Being lonely is not something we do voluntarily. Feeling loneliness differs from person to person. Someone might spend ages alone only having minimal contacts, but still feel content and not lonely at all. Someone else might have trouble spending even a few hours alone without company.

How much we need time alone, depends on the person. Being alone is important and worth learning to enjoy. Being alone can be an asset in your life. It gives you the opportunity to relax and calm down with your own thoughts. You shouldn’t escape being alone by keeping busy. Sometimes it’s good to stop and listen to your thoughts and practice being alone.

We feel loneliness for different reasons

There’s no one reason or explanation for loneliness. Feeling lonely can have many reasons depending on the person and their situation in life. There might be bullying at school, feeling different from others, losing friends, abandonment, and inhibitions behind someone’s loneliness. There can be changes in people’s lives which change them, their values and thoughts and their possibilities to keep up social relationships. Starting or ending studies, moving to another area, breaking up, changing jobs, or unemployment can highlight the feelings of loneliness and being an outsider.

LACK OF SOCIAL SKILLS

Sometimes the lack of social skills might start a process leading to loneliness. Lack of interpersonal social skills like listening, being considerate, or starting a conversation might cause problems with being with others and getting to know people. If you don’t get to practice different social situations, you can’t improve your social skills either.

BULLYING

Being bullied can hinder making friends in adulthood also. Bullying is scarring and can make trusting others hard. Making friends is scary and feelings of being left out are hurtful. This might make you cynical or distrust the possibility of getting new friends.

The victim of bullying might start blaming themselves and can have the impression of not being good enough to have friends. Sometimes bullying has been so scarring that they’re hard to overcome by yourself. Talking to a psychologist or other professional might be of help.

CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES

If you didn’t get enough closeness or were rejected in childhood, it might feel hard to have close friendship as an adult. Feeling safe when left alone is necessary for a child so that they can enjoy being alone later on.

PERSONALITY TRAITS

Sometimes loneliness is a part of our personality traits and temperament. Being timid, quiet, rigid, or not enjoying attention can make starting new human relationships difficult. This means you need more time to get to know people.

Being shy might come with loneliness. A shy person has a harder time meeting new people and building social relationships. Someone who has an outgoing personality is more successful. Shyness isn’t about lack of courage or being afraid but feeling uncomfortable in unfamiliar social situations.

It’s important to know and accept your own temperament. A shy person shouldn’t try to change into more sociable because shyness can be an asset. They could instead think of easier and more natural ways to make contact. Writing can ease communicating and sharing feelings.

How to break out of loneliness?

There’s no one way to stop feeling lonely. It’s useful to know yourself and the methods suitable for you. Loneliness can be hurtful and depressing, or shameful, which causes you to cover it up. Facing your situation as it is, without diminishing it or exaggerating it is a big step forward.

PARTICIPATE

Often you can get your mind off feeling lonely when you go out and about. Even though it might feel difficult to leave home, this may have a positive impact on your mood. There are many events and hobbies for you to join. One alternative is to volunteer for different non-profits and other organizations. Even if you wouldn’t find new friends immediately, a meaningful hobby is a positive thing as such.

Sometimes it can be too difficult or distressing to take part in new or uncomfortable events. You should pay attention to how much you can take. If it doesn’t feel good to join events or talk to strangers, it’s wise to take it slow and listen to yourself.

There are all sorts of hobby groups, discussion groups and chats online that give you the opportunity to meet new people. Some social media sites and apps can also help with meeting making friends.

BREAK HARMFUL AND NEGATIVE THOUGHT PATTERNS

There might be abandonment or rejection issues, even bullying, behind the feeling of loneliness. This kind of experiences can understandably be discouraging when meeting others. They might bring up thoughts like “why am I not good enough for others?” Sometimes these thoughts occupy your mind, and you might start believing there’s something wrong with you.

It’s a good idea to break your rigid and negative thought patterns and ask: do I have prejudices or act in ways which might make getting friends more difficult?

PRACTICE SOCIAL SKILLS

Even if you lacked some social skills, it’s possible to practice them just like any other skill. When you challenge yourself enough, you can expose yourself to different social occasions. There you can practice for example starting a conversation, listening to others and keeping up the discussion. Slowly your skills improve, and it gets easier to interact with others.

ACCEPTING LONELINESS AS PART OF YOUR LIFE

Wanting to be around people and having friends is natural, but sometimes it might ease loneliness if you accept it as a part of your life. Accepting is easier if you can enjoy the bright sides of being alone.

You can learn to tolerate loneliness. Everyone has to spend some time alone, some more, some less. You shouldn’t compulsively run away from loneliness or keep too busy. Sometimes it’s good to stop and listen to your thoughts and practice being alone.

If loneliness hurts too mudh, seek help

Sometimes the feeling of loneliness can be so overwhelming that it interferes with your everyday life. This is when you should seek professional help. Loneliness can cause feelings of depression or worthlessness, with which you might need help. You can get help from:

• a doctor
• a nurse
• a psychologist
• a psychotherapist

Don’t stay alone too long if you’re distressed. Discussions with professionals can give you new perspectives and allow you to move forward.

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